For previously married singles, finding love is not always the greatest challenge; in fact, 6 out of 10 divorced singles say it’s much easier than finding someone who’s on the same page.
Amid all the talk about second chances in love after a failed marriage, one thing remains unaddressed: would you marry someone who has never been married before?
According to a study conducted by the Indian matchmaking app Rebounce, the majority of divorcees on the app prefer not to match with never-married users. At first, it might seem like a mere preference, but a closer look at the survey findings reveals a more complex reason.
The app’s founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, said, “Second chances for divorced singles mean something much more than just finding someone new; they want someone who can accept that they have already lived and experienced marriage in a certain way, and they still want to build a future even after that marriage fell apart. From our study, we got the idea that previously married singles are a bit more wary about connecting with someone who’s never married, but when it is the other way, the never-married singles are much more enthusiastic about a match such as that.”
The survey was conducted among 11,000 previously married and never-married singles from metro and suburban regions. The participants ranged in age between 28 and 45 years, and were selected from various professional fields for an all-round understanding.
When someone’s experience is someone’s baggage
Previously married singles come with lived experiences, be it years of trying to make things work, family expectations, acknowledging that the relationship won’t work, difficult conversations, and finally going through the whole process of divorce and rebuilding their life once again. About 55 per cent of the respondents shared that they realised that love alone can’t sustain a marriage. And 3 in 10 participants are co-parenting their kids with their ex. A never-married partner does not share the same history, and the difference might come as enormous baggage. Nearly 48 per cent of divorced and widowed respondents revealed that the primary reason why they are not leaning toward matching with a never-married single is that they fear being judged for having a past history that their partner is yet to experience. A first-time Indian dating single may have an idealised version of marriage, while a divorced single has lived a different reality. Nikita (32) said, “My biggest fear is if my never-married partner compares our marriage with his imagined version of marriage or expects me to come with zero emotional complications from my last marriage. I won’t be able to hold up to his standards.”
Do different histories make better marriages?
The 32 per cent of previously married men and women who are open to connecting with never-married singles point to a different possibility: a shared marital history is not a prerequisite for a healthy and happy marriage. The survey revealed that 3423 divorced women said that someone who has never been married before can bring a fresher and more positive perspective to the marriage, a kind of openness that most divorced singles lose in the aftermath of separation. It said that 23 per cent of users who have experienced such matches said they have a better sense of boundaries and communication and tend to address issues before they set in.
The milestones that cannot be repeated
About 18 per cent of never-married singles who don’t want to date anyone who has been previously married explained their stance as losing the experience of reaching important milestones together: from becoming spouses to planning a wedding together for the first time, building a home from scratch or even experiencing parenthood together for the first time. The survey showed that 6855 divorced men and women agreed that their expectations are not unreasonable; in fact, even if 41 per cent of them are open to marrying a never-married single, they noted that such thoughts can easily become a point of friction. The most important aspect is to ensure that the different histories are communicated before they turn into competition.
Why divorced Indian singles are hesitant about dating never-married singles
